MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
