I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
