margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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