Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
