why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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