I wish I only lived at night.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
