I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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