There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
