Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
