my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
