Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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