Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
