so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
