so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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