I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
