mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
