Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
