You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
