before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
