If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
