he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
