so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
