Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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