The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
