Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
