umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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