also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
