So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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