I feel like I'm in dance class right now
im six kinds of drunk right now
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
