I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
