You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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