I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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