Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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