I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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