I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
3 2 1 whiskey
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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