Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My balls are so social today.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
