PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
