porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
