I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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