we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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