everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
