around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
