I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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