I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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