It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
