I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
