Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
