i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
