how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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