Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
