I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
