Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
