mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
