i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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