So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You pole danced in your parka.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
