my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize