Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
