I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
