I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
