Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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