So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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