I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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