im drinking this country out of the recession.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
