I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
