last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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