I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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