At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
