Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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