I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
