He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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