Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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