They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
