Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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