all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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