Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
